Condition white could have killed me.

So I just took a vacation where I spent 5 days in training and shooting guns. I will post a blog about that at a later date. In the training I we have it beat into our heads to always do a chamber check and mag check. Well the other night I was bored and had a case of insomnia I decided to clean my gun and magazines. Being safe I unloaded my magazines and locked the ammo up. I took my time I was watching a movie and cleaning, I was off in LaLa land. I finish up and its about 2am and I put everything away. Insert magazine and put gun away. Morning comes and I am in a hurry I get ready put my gun on and head out the door. Well two days go by and I go to change holsters and I notice my gun feels light. After cleaning I never loaded my magazines up. For two days I carried an unloaded weapon. How could I forget what was drilled into my head over and over again. Just a reminder to always stay vigilant with safety and never allow yourself to be in condition white. I'm just glad I didn't need to use it.

When seconds feel like days

I feel like I am constantly in some form of transition. Where nothing is ever quite where I want it to be, and when I think it’s there I find out its back in the other direction. I’m 30(almost) and up until a year ago I felt lost at sea. No matter what I did I never felt that passion for what I was doing. I was just paddling into the open sea hoping to be “carried away on the crest of a wave.” Hoping that I would learn to love what I was doing. I took some leaps into what I thought I would love and found out that it just wasn’t for me. I finally have some direction and have the fire for what I am planning on doing. It’s all I can think about. I know it’s great but it’s making it hard for me to give a shit about my day job in the mean time. The whole time I am there all I can do is think about the day I quit. I keep telling myself only 3 more months, but each passing day feels like an eternity. Here is to blue skies and smooth seas until then. This too shall pass, right?

First day of my life

This Song has been stuck in my head all day.

This is the first day of my life

I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me