Last update on here.

2012 is in full swing and big changes are in the air. I won't be updating this blog anymore. Why you ask? Well it's because I've gotten all fancy and have a real website now. I am also doing a podcast now. I am right on track to be self employed by summer like I said I would be. Here are the links to all the mentioned sites.

www.yoitsjc.com - my personal site

One More Round Podcast links
www.onemoreroundpodcast.com
Twitter
Facebook
Google+
YouTube
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2011 recap < plans for 2012

I can't say 2011 was a complete bust, but it wasn't awesome either. The year started off like any other year. I had high hopes that this was gonna be the year that things started to look up, and for a brief moment they actually did. 2011 was the year that I finally found myself and my calling. I had my best friend to thank for that. Through her constant question asking and nagging she really made me dig down deep and evaluate what I really wanted in life. She believed in me when no one else had and for the first time I actually believed in myself. I'll forever be grateful for her, even at times I seemed to be slightly irritated with the constant questions. I fell in love and broke my own heart. I lost my best friend because I'm a huge ass, pushed another friend away because that's what I do when I'm hurt. I did manage to bury myself in the gym and lose 50lbs. So 2011 wasn't the best but I'm still thankful for everything this year. 2012 is gonna be my year(I know I say this every year) but I have a couple big projects in the works that should make me completely self employed by the middle of the year. 2012 is gonna be the year I go for gold, I'm gonna get back out there and date, I think this 6 month break was enough for me. Nothing is gonna stop me in 2012.

Screaming Infidelities…

So I'm laying on the couch suffering through the last stretch of food poisoning watching tv and I hate what I see. Maybe it's always been the thing but I'm just now noticing how every character in every show is a cheater. There is nothing I despise more than cheating. I hate the fact that I've cheated and almost everyone I've ever met has admitted to cheating as well. What has happened to values and morals? Does integrity even exist anymore? Why does Hollywood feel the need to use cheating in its stories? I would just like to see one movie or show where someone has some sort of a moral compass.

Judge not lest ye be judged

I have a different personality. Most people don't get it. Those who do get it usually end up being some of my best friends. Lately I've been taking a lot of heat for my personality and sense of humor. I'll admit it's sarcastic and at times highly offensive. I'm never abusive with it and I don't knock other people or get off on watching others misfortunes. I don't hate women, despite what my jokes sound like. I've never once passed judgement on any of my friends for anything they have done or said. I kinda expect the same. Judge not lest ye be judged. I'm not religious by any means, but those who know me know I have a heart of gold. I will always strive to do the right thing, and I'll always be there for you, even when I shouldn't. Keep this in mind next time I've upset you and you want to call me out. Have I ever done it to you? Chances are I could've but didn't. I won't post shitty remarks when I disagree with something you've said. We are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs. Just think at the end of the day, did your shitty remark make you a better person? Before you go thinking I'm holier than thou, I'm not, I know that. This was all over the place. Hope it makes sense.

I'm a mess, that's the best way to describe it.

I don't like to get personal on here but here it goes. I've been a mess these past few days. I'm not going to go into all the details surrounding it for everyone's benefit. I had a friend, hell I'd call her my best friend. We talked everyday and for the first time in my life I was open and honest about everything. I never felt pressured or judged. She knew my flaws and there are plenty. She never once judged me and I love her for that. I jokingly told her if I ever got married again she had to be my best man, that's how close we got. The more we talked the more I realized how awesome she was. As with my life it's never simple. I started getting romantic feelings for her sometime last year and never really said anything because there was complications. Fast forward and feelings were mutual. We stepped up the friendship to a romantic level and things have never been the same. I love this woman with all my heart, she is nothing I ever expected I could fall for. Like I said nothing is ever simple in my life. There is always some sort of complication. After escalating the friendship to the romantic level, it was hard for me to go back to the friendship level. I tried and it killed me. All I want is to be with her. I had to step back and be a realist, I'm a bit of a dreamer I can admit. The odds of us working out were slim and I still want to be friends. Talking to her everyday while having these feelings and the realization that most likely nothing would ever happen killed me. I decided I had to do whats best for me and stop talking to her until I had these feelings under control for my own benefit. Is this selfish? Possibly but sometimes you need to do what you feel is best for you. I never wanted to end any friendship or severe ties, and I think that is what happened here. It's fucking killing me everyday. I miss her like crazy, I still think about her all the damn time, I hate this feeling. I've never been this guy. A day without talking to her just doesn't seem like a normal day for me. I hope one day we can move past this and be friends again.

This weeks fitness updates

I worked on cardio this week. On Tuesday I did my tractor tire followed by a kettlebell circuit three times followed by a 1.5 mile run. Wednesday me and Eric did a 5.56 mile run. Thursday I did the hill of hell again and shaved 5 minutes off my time. Saturday we did a 5.56 mile hike/run, when I got home i flipped my tire and did a kettlebell routine. I am down under 185 this week. The weight is falling off.

Thursday and Saturdays fitness updates

Thursday after work me and some co-workers went hiking. We started off at this little trail called Rocky Mouth and it was about .70 miles round trip, really weak. After that we decided we were gonna do what they call the "Hill of Hell". That one was about 1.7 miles round trip and the whole way up is pure incline, it never levels out. It's an old jeep trail for the watershed, technically we were trespassing since we had to jump a couple fences to access it. It leveled me, maybe it was the heat or the backpack with 32lbs(I weighed it when I got home) of crap in it. I was determined to make it to the top of this thing, it took me 21 minutes but I did it. The guys from work run up this thing, I hope to get there by the end of summer.

Saturday me and Chris worked out at the park across the street from his house. We started off with an overhead reverse tire throw, basically like a kettlebell swing but launch it behind you. We then ran after it and did it again. We did that for about 100 yards. Immediately following that we took off for a 1/4 lap and made our way back to the tire. Did the tire throw back across the field. Once we reached the other side we did what I call the grinder. Take two dumbbells do a burpee into a curl into a squat into a neutral chest press and repeat 10 times. After that we did 10 roll ups, 10 squats, 10 split jump lunges each side and 10 hip extensions each side. We did 3 rounds of this workout followed by a 1/4 mile run to end the workout.

Tonight's workout

I'm toying with the idea of making a separate blog just for my fitness stuff, but for now this one will have to do. Tonight I started my workout with a tractor tire flip. I flipped the tire jumped in the middle jump out flip it back over and repeat that 10 times. After that I took my 20lb kettle bell and did a nice little circuit, one handed kettlebell swings 10 each side, 20 curls, 20 french press, 20 bent over rows each side, 20 don't know what they are called but I lifted the kettlebell straight up to my chin, I then laid the kettlebell on the ground and gripped it and did 20 push ups followed by 20 mountain climbers each side. After that circuit I did 10 minutes on my punching bag. I repeated this 3 times then did 1.5 mile run. I got back from my run and did the tire flip 10 times followed by 10 box jumps onto the tire. I did that three times. I feel good.

Metamorphisis

Really eerie but this song came on shuffle right after I posted my last post.

Born selfish blind and ignorant
And my school gave me knowledge
But never any wisdom
And in addition the television programmed my brain
Through it's constant repetition
Misdirected infected with mundane roles and goals and heroes
And althought life really has purpose
I wasted my youth in a social circus
Told what is best for me
But I've seen their destiny
Our leaders ignominy
Reconfirm my concern to rearrange and change my life
I'll vow
I'll vow right here
And now no more time wasting just edification purification
We can direct our future
This life, this life has no meaning
Unless we grow
I know there's no use for all this screaming
Unless we grow
Born foolish dull and self absorbed
But I dedicated my life to my reformation and education
In a nation that thinks great pleasure is a Disney vacation
I never fit in to their system
I couldn't understand people
Wasting their time with so called love
And drugs and occupations
While outside the window is a crumbling nation
So I searched for sincerity and lost popularity
Well what do they want from me?
If I lost friends they never were my friends at all!
To find the real me through introspection
And austerity is my life's mission my ambition
I've got a vision to change my destiny
Things don't change - we must change

Half Year Resolutions

I didn't make any New Years resolutions, why should I? Who actually follows through with them anyway? I can admit I never do. Over the past few weeks I was in the midst of a breakdown of sorts; it got me thinking about life. I made some realizations that actually scared me. I have decided to make these things what I am calling my "Half Year Resolutions".

• No more being the emotional trash can for my friends. I'm sorry I've got my own problems I don't need yours, and I won't bother you with mine.
• No more dating/one night stands.
• No more activities that aren't fitness related. I plan to hike at least twice a week and join some kind of sports league on top of going to gym 5 times a week. One year from now I expect to be in the best shape of my life and plan to do the Spartan race and the Tough Mudder.
• I want to spend more time doing charity work, I use to do at least 2 days a month and I haven't done 1 day in a year, this needs to change.
• I am gonna do whatever it takes to repair my relationship with my father, this "feud" needs to end.
• Last and not least, I am gonna be the person I know I can be, no more halfassing it because I can.

I might add more as I see fit and if you know me and know something I need to work on let me know, I want to be a completely better person one year from now.

Saying the hard things... Pt. 1

"When you stop agonizing over every word, you're free to actually mean them." - Sean Durham (as far as I know)

I probably interpreted this as something completely different than he meant it to be. When he tweeted this quote I was struggling with writing a letter to my father. I managed to get my letter written, maybe I will get it mailed sometime this year. I really want to repair my relationship with him. I know my father, he is quite possibly the most stubborn guy on the planet. He went as far as too change his phone number after the last time we talked. I don't know what would hurt most, mailing it and never hearing back or having it returned to sender. I can honestly admit that both of those will kill me. This among other things has me all twisted up these past couple of weeks. I just wish I wasn't so damn stubborn as well. My foolish pride is getting the best of me.

In Transit

I'm currently out on the road somewhere. Im somewhere between completely lost and headed in the right direction. This journey has always felt like it was always "In Transit". When it reaches where it's going will there be someone there to sign for it or will it just get left on the porch. Is return to sender even an option anymore? Will what's inside match what's been stated on the bill of goods? I guess it doesn't matter if there is no such address.

I buckled

I guess I can't handle the pressure. I've already missed a few days of blogging. Who knew that a simple task of writing could bring me to the point of losing all my patience. Somewhere between the 30th when I decided to take this plunge and now, I have lost all my desire to write. I didn't bother to attempt a blog last night. I came home took another four hour nap and was up most the night. I have so much on my mind and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I'm on track to meet all my professional goals but I feel like my personal life is crumbling down around me. I'm hoping somethings clear up after this weekend.

Explaining 9/11 to my 9 year old

So last night when I picked up my daughters I had the radio on talk radio. They were talking about OBL and without thinking about it I left it on for about 2 minutes before realizing and changed the station. My daughters asked me about him. My oldest was born the January 2002. She never knew the world pre 9/11. She had a basic idea of what happened that day. She "knew" that he brought down the twin towers. We got home and ate dinner and after we ate she started drilling me on it. Anyone who knows my daughter knows she asks tons of questions. This is one of the things I love most about her. We sat down and I asked her what she knew about it and she knew very little. I would have liked to kept it that way but she said she wanted to know more about him and 9/11. She has a computer at home and knows how to use google. I figured I might as well be the one who tells her about it. I start explaining it as best I could, I was tearing up through most of this talk. I was afraid that I would rob her innocence by telling her of the evil in the world. She asked me some of the best questions, I was truly amazed. We talked and I never once said anything to make her lean one way or another. I wanted her to make her own judgement on it. She still didn't seem to get what happened. I showed her some clips and her eyes swelled immediately. I watched that moment it made sense to her. It was one of the hardest talks I have ever had to have.

Adrift...

I constantly feel like I belong elsewhere. Everywhere I have ever been has never felt like home. Part of me feels like I was destined to be a nomad, just going from town to town. Everything in my life is going good. I have two decent jobs and I am on track to meet my personal goals. I have this conflict raging inside of me that wants me to derail my plans. I find myself constantly day dreaming of up and leaving it all. This isn't making any real sense and I have a hard enough time articulating my thoughts. I need to find a way to turn my leaving constantly into my staying put. Non of this makes sense to me, doubt it will for you.

Sometimes no blog is better than this blog

I don’t feel like writing. I’ve sat here staring at this screen for an hour. I get five or six words into a sentence then angrily smash the backspace key and wipe the slate clean. It’s only the 4^th and this month of blogging is proving to be super taxing already. I came home from work tonight with all sorts of ideas for writing. I ended up taking a four nap instead. I woke up with no motivation what so ever, most likely because I knew I had just ruined my night. This is gonna have to do for the night. I am just gonna read and hope for some sleep.

Everyone needs an Osama Blog

Is anyone ever going to be happy? We killed Osama bin Laden. The man was responsible not only for the deaths of Americans but as well as people of other nations. An elite team of spec ops soldiers executed a near perfect mission (equipment failure) and took him out. Now everyone is crying for proof and saying show us pictures. Why the burial at sea? Why did they shoot him, he was unarmed? Conspiracy theories I’m not even going to repeat because they are just stupid. What’s it say about us that we feel we’re always being lied to?

I feel that this administration has handled this completely appropriately. There are things the average person will never know regarding this situation or other situations like it. Sometimes security trumps transparency. I think the proof should have been made available sooner but this is a delicate situation for everyone. Everything that happens now has to be met with extra caution. We have always been a terror target and we will always be one.

Why did we kill him if he was unarmed? How was he resisting? Does it really matter? I don’t know of a single person who would have done it differently. Killing him was our best option for many reasons. Had we captured him alive, we would have to secure him in a prison somewhere. The threat level knowing he was alive would always be elevated. Eventually he would have to be moved for trial, Red Cross workers would want access to him to verify he is being treated fairly. With so many people involved with his security, keeping a lid on his location would be extremely difficult. We knew of his death two hours before we were told about it. We would surely learn where he was being kept. Just think of the possible attacks on bases where terrorists think he might be held.

I understand about the bloodlust we Americans felt. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t desired to kill the man myself. We already killed the man most terrorists viewed as the figurehead of Al Qaeda. As Americans we do need to show some resolve when handling his death. His followers are already angry we killed him; we would just intensify the hate by plastering the world news with images of his corpse. Some would argue they hate us anyway and showing the picture wouldn’t change a thing and for the most part they are right. By not plastering the news we are showing that we had a problem, we took care of it, and we don’t need to glorify it. We don’t need to show them what we will do to our enemies; chances are they’ve seen it firsthand.

Why the burial at sea? Why not? The most hated man in the world deserved a lot worse than a sea burial; he did not deserve to be put in the ground. I heard so many things and I am guilty of saying some of them. Bottom line when they had the body he posed the same security risks as if they had captured him alive.

For an administration that I have had a hard time agreeing with just about anything they’ve done, I back this fully. It’s common sense people. Let this victory sink in and enjoy it if you must. Don’t jump to conclusions and start make assumptions and conspiracy theories, sometimes things are just as they seem.

Stating your goals, ensuring you follow through

My buddy Stephen McKee is doing this 90 day vlog; it’s his Roadmap to Success or something like that. I like the idea. He is gonna document his successes and short comings along the way. I wanted to do it but I didn’t prepare enough and my obvious goals weren’t so obvious to me. In a conversation with him he had to point them out to me, I was like duh how could I not realize that. In that conversation, I realized how truly simple and content my life has been. I have two kick back jobs that pay decent. I have no bills other than rent and car insurance and basic expenses. I’ve been living my life on cruise control. By no means was I miserable about it. I’ve had a basic idea of what I wanted my future to look like. I haven’t told many people these plans so here is my basic timeline of what I want to accomplish.

By the end of the year I want to have all my licenses and certifications to be a firearms instructor. I want to start January by being self employed. In the mean time I am still going to apply at every agency that is taking applications and if I get hired on then awesome. I am still sticking to my timeline. Now that it is out there, I expect to be called out on it.

EverydayMay

Well today starts another month of blogging. I usually blog at night after I have composed my thoughts and ideas. These thoughts and ideas usually get strung together in a way that usually only makes sense in my head. I had some really good ideas for a blog tonight but now all I can think of is the death of Osama Bin Laden. I hate to start the month off with what amounts to basically a cop out blog, but I think I have a good excuse tonight. I am very thankful to our armed services, congrats on a job well done.

Tomorrow I will have a "real" blog.

Condition white could have killed me.

So I just took a vacation where I spent 5 days in training and shooting guns. I will post a blog about that at a later date. In the training I we have it beat into our heads to always do a chamber check and mag check. Well the other night I was bored and had a case of insomnia I decided to clean my gun and magazines. Being safe I unloaded my magazines and locked the ammo up. I took my time I was watching a movie and cleaning, I was off in LaLa land. I finish up and its about 2am and I put everything away. Insert magazine and put gun away. Morning comes and I am in a hurry I get ready put my gun on and head out the door. Well two days go by and I go to change holsters and I notice my gun feels light. After cleaning I never loaded my magazines up. For two days I carried an unloaded weapon. How could I forget what was drilled into my head over and over again. Just a reminder to always stay vigilant with safety and never allow yourself to be in condition white. I'm just glad I didn't need to use it.