In Transit

I'm currently out on the road somewhere. Im somewhere between completely lost and headed in the right direction. This journey has always felt like it was always "In Transit". When it reaches where it's going will there be someone there to sign for it or will it just get left on the porch. Is return to sender even an option anymore? Will what's inside match what's been stated on the bill of goods? I guess it doesn't matter if there is no such address.

I buckled

I guess I can't handle the pressure. I've already missed a few days of blogging. Who knew that a simple task of writing could bring me to the point of losing all my patience. Somewhere between the 30th when I decided to take this plunge and now, I have lost all my desire to write. I didn't bother to attempt a blog last night. I came home took another four hour nap and was up most the night. I have so much on my mind and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I'm on track to meet all my professional goals but I feel like my personal life is crumbling down around me. I'm hoping somethings clear up after this weekend.

Explaining 9/11 to my 9 year old

So last night when I picked up my daughters I had the radio on talk radio. They were talking about OBL and without thinking about it I left it on for about 2 minutes before realizing and changed the station. My daughters asked me about him. My oldest was born the January 2002. She never knew the world pre 9/11. She had a basic idea of what happened that day. She "knew" that he brought down the twin towers. We got home and ate dinner and after we ate she started drilling me on it. Anyone who knows my daughter knows she asks tons of questions. This is one of the things I love most about her. We sat down and I asked her what she knew about it and she knew very little. I would have liked to kept it that way but she said she wanted to know more about him and 9/11. She has a computer at home and knows how to use google. I figured I might as well be the one who tells her about it. I start explaining it as best I could, I was tearing up through most of this talk. I was afraid that I would rob her innocence by telling her of the evil in the world. She asked me some of the best questions, I was truly amazed. We talked and I never once said anything to make her lean one way or another. I wanted her to make her own judgement on it. She still didn't seem to get what happened. I showed her some clips and her eyes swelled immediately. I watched that moment it made sense to her. It was one of the hardest talks I have ever had to have.

Adrift...

I constantly feel like I belong elsewhere. Everywhere I have ever been has never felt like home. Part of me feels like I was destined to be a nomad, just going from town to town. Everything in my life is going good. I have two decent jobs and I am on track to meet my personal goals. I have this conflict raging inside of me that wants me to derail my plans. I find myself constantly day dreaming of up and leaving it all. This isn't making any real sense and I have a hard enough time articulating my thoughts. I need to find a way to turn my leaving constantly into my staying put. Non of this makes sense to me, doubt it will for you.

Sometimes no blog is better than this blog

I don’t feel like writing. I’ve sat here staring at this screen for an hour. I get five or six words into a sentence then angrily smash the backspace key and wipe the slate clean. It’s only the 4^th and this month of blogging is proving to be super taxing already. I came home from work tonight with all sorts of ideas for writing. I ended up taking a four nap instead. I woke up with no motivation what so ever, most likely because I knew I had just ruined my night. This is gonna have to do for the night. I am just gonna read and hope for some sleep.

Everyone needs an Osama Blog

Is anyone ever going to be happy? We killed Osama bin Laden. The man was responsible not only for the deaths of Americans but as well as people of other nations. An elite team of spec ops soldiers executed a near perfect mission (equipment failure) and took him out. Now everyone is crying for proof and saying show us pictures. Why the burial at sea? Why did they shoot him, he was unarmed? Conspiracy theories I’m not even going to repeat because they are just stupid. What’s it say about us that we feel we’re always being lied to?

I feel that this administration has handled this completely appropriately. There are things the average person will never know regarding this situation or other situations like it. Sometimes security trumps transparency. I think the proof should have been made available sooner but this is a delicate situation for everyone. Everything that happens now has to be met with extra caution. We have always been a terror target and we will always be one.

Why did we kill him if he was unarmed? How was he resisting? Does it really matter? I don’t know of a single person who would have done it differently. Killing him was our best option for many reasons. Had we captured him alive, we would have to secure him in a prison somewhere. The threat level knowing he was alive would always be elevated. Eventually he would have to be moved for trial, Red Cross workers would want access to him to verify he is being treated fairly. With so many people involved with his security, keeping a lid on his location would be extremely difficult. We knew of his death two hours before we were told about it. We would surely learn where he was being kept. Just think of the possible attacks on bases where terrorists think he might be held.

I understand about the bloodlust we Americans felt. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t desired to kill the man myself. We already killed the man most terrorists viewed as the figurehead of Al Qaeda. As Americans we do need to show some resolve when handling his death. His followers are already angry we killed him; we would just intensify the hate by plastering the world news with images of his corpse. Some would argue they hate us anyway and showing the picture wouldn’t change a thing and for the most part they are right. By not plastering the news we are showing that we had a problem, we took care of it, and we don’t need to glorify it. We don’t need to show them what we will do to our enemies; chances are they’ve seen it firsthand.

Why the burial at sea? Why not? The most hated man in the world deserved a lot worse than a sea burial; he did not deserve to be put in the ground. I heard so many things and I am guilty of saying some of them. Bottom line when they had the body he posed the same security risks as if they had captured him alive.

For an administration that I have had a hard time agreeing with just about anything they’ve done, I back this fully. It’s common sense people. Let this victory sink in and enjoy it if you must. Don’t jump to conclusions and start make assumptions and conspiracy theories, sometimes things are just as they seem.

Stating your goals, ensuring you follow through

My buddy Stephen McKee is doing this 90 day vlog; it’s his Roadmap to Success or something like that. I like the idea. He is gonna document his successes and short comings along the way. I wanted to do it but I didn’t prepare enough and my obvious goals weren’t so obvious to me. In a conversation with him he had to point them out to me, I was like duh how could I not realize that. In that conversation, I realized how truly simple and content my life has been. I have two kick back jobs that pay decent. I have no bills other than rent and car insurance and basic expenses. I’ve been living my life on cruise control. By no means was I miserable about it. I’ve had a basic idea of what I wanted my future to look like. I haven’t told many people these plans so here is my basic timeline of what I want to accomplish.

By the end of the year I want to have all my licenses and certifications to be a firearms instructor. I want to start January by being self employed. In the mean time I am still going to apply at every agency that is taking applications and if I get hired on then awesome. I am still sticking to my timeline. Now that it is out there, I expect to be called out on it.

EverydayMay

Well today starts another month of blogging. I usually blog at night after I have composed my thoughts and ideas. These thoughts and ideas usually get strung together in a way that usually only makes sense in my head. I had some really good ideas for a blog tonight but now all I can think of is the death of Osama Bin Laden. I hate to start the month off with what amounts to basically a cop out blog, but I think I have a good excuse tonight. I am very thankful to our armed services, congrats on a job well done.

Tomorrow I will have a "real" blog.